|Occupation||Secretary of Greenside Golf Club|
|First appearance||20th November 2009|
|Last appearance||20th November 2009|
|Number of appearances||2|
|Played by||Gordon Kane|
After Dev Alahan and Steve McDonald had arranged a round at Greenside Golf Club in November 2009, the pair were kept waiting momentarily at the reception desk as there seemed to be a query with their teeing-off slot. The receptionist soon returned with the Club Secretary who advised a smug Dev that there was a problem with his membership. With Dev stating that he was in fact a "guest member", the secretary quickly pointed out that his name was no longer on their list and his guest status had lapsed. Producing his wallet in order to pay for an extension to the contractual terms, the secretary gave Dev a look of disapproval and told him that he'd have to apply for full membership. As Dev asked for a form to fill out, he was advised that there were no forms - just a waiting list that was on average, five years long!
Steve then explained that he was a current guest member and their teeing-off time was rescheduled for later that afternoon. However, whilst the pair were waiting in the Clubhouse, the secretary informed them that Steve had actually been a guest member of Paul Connor - who'd passed away in June 2007, and there would be an extra £60 to pay if they wanted a round of golf that day. Neither were keen with the additional charges, until it was suggested that the records would be checked to see how often they'd both played at the reduced rates.
Wanting to come to an amicable arrangement, the secretary advised them that a vacancy had arisen for one of them to purchase a full membership - a place available due to a senior member's passing. Even at a cost of the £4,500 joining-up fee and a £2,000 yearly fee thereafter, neither wanted to let the opportunity pass them by and, after arguing about who was more deserved of the esteem, they arranged to play a round of eighteen holes the following month to determine the outcome.